Here I am sipping on tea and honey

What a truly blessed time it has been this past week! I do hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and as we look into the New Year please plan safely wherever it is you may be going. So here I am and it is about 5:30am, its been kinda crazy lately but I have been waking up early for some crazy reason (don't ask why because I have no clue and it is slightly irritating). But I figured today I would get up instead of lying in bed hoping to get another few winks in and try to do something productive. So this is it, updating my blog= me being productive. I have a slight sore throat so hence the title. I haven't been up to much lately except Christmas. This year we struggled a little bit due to my husband not having a job up until about 2 weeks ago. I was slightly worried that this Christmas would be tough but we got through it and the boys toy box can attest to that! On the day before Christmas eve I had my holiday Christmas party at work. It was very enjoyable to pretty much just sit around eat and goof off and of course have some real banging eggnog (still gotta get that recipe B). I swear to you, you could hate eggnog but get addicted to this stuff. I think I might have to make this drink a year round experience. Anyway, on Christmas eve I got up bright and early and went to the salon to get pampered. Thank you to Pam at Trilogy Salon and Day Spa, you are truly a miracle worker and my new favorite hairstylist. I dyed my hair plus did a great cut that includes side swept bangs, I feel like a supermodel and every mother deserves to feel that way! Now once I get my body on the supermodel bandwagon I will be good to go. And the experience was amazing, I am never dissapointed when I go to Trilogy. It was a great way to kick of Christmas eve. After the salon my family headed down to my parents house for family pictures. Now if you aren't familiar with my family there are a bunch of us. In total I we had something like 17 people to fit into these pictures. The sad thing is, out of the 17 people, 5 of us were girls. Yeah, we are definitely outnumbered (and my mom definitely doesn't let me forget it, she is waiting for another granddaughter) But I think we got some great pics and my sons looked absolutely adorable. I can't wait to see how our family shot came out. I was really glad to be able to spend Christmas eve at my parents house. I will admit sometimes it is a little overwhelming with 4 little boys running around but we always manage. I am just so happy when all of the family is together, it just makes the holidays so much more special. On Christmas day my sons had a blast opening up all their gifts. Unfortunately mom mother had to work so we ended up leaving my parents and going to my husbands grandparents house where my sons got spoiled yet again with massive amounts of toys (thank you nana and pas). Then Christmas would never be complete without a visit to Miss Shana and Mr Geoffreys house. Now my sons always look forward to seeing the beautiful Miss Shana. We have their Christmas card posted on the counter and my boys always grab it and say "look its Miss Shana!". No disappointment for them, except that for some reason when we pulled up to their house both of my sons asked if we could go swimming. But getting to my lovely friend was the icing on the cake to a great Christmas day. Now I am lucky that I am off work until January 3rd due to needing to use up some vacation days. And I plan on enjoying this time. Today I am very excited about going to meet with a venue for an event that I am planning, this is the first step to some major excitement coming down the pike. Also, doing some serious gown searching for the Mrs Delaware pageant this week. Other than that I will get to spend alot of time with my sons and, cross your fingers, hopefully pottytrain my youngest. Some very exciting news when it comes to my platform. I have been asked to come and present at a middle school. This news has been especially encouraging to me lately. For a little bit I was sorta discouraged due to the fact I was trying to call and get into schools to no avail. When people say "its not what you know, its who you know" it seems like they were referring to my situation. But I really thank God for giving me this opportunity. I was contacted by a guidance counselor last week and have just been on cloud nine about it ever since. I finally feel like all my hard work is starting to pay off. And it way continue to, one day, one school, one presentation and one childs life at a time. I have such high hopes for my anti-bullying campaign and I plan on definitely making an impact in Delaware. And if I have to do it the hard way, building it from nothing into something amazing, then I am not afraid to do it. This is where my passion lies and that is something no one can take from me! There are only great things in store for me come 2011 and I am ready! Have a great New Year everyone! And when planning for next year "reach for the moon and even if you miss you will land amongst the stars"!

Well it sure has been a little bit since I have posted here. I have to say that it has been pretty trying lately but thanks to amazing friends and family I am past this tough time which thank goodness only lasted a little bit of time. I have to really thank alot of friends who kept me sane when I was almost at my breaking point (you know who you are) and my family and mostly my husband for dealing with me feeling like a nut sometimes. So what have I been up to you might ask? Well Christmas preparation is definitely on the top of my list. I have always been a Christmas person. I always enjoy this season and everything it has to offer. Minus the unreasonably cold weather. But the lights, the Christmas songs and of course the shopping is always so much fun. Anyways, Recently I have been able to attend a few pageants. I really enjoy going to pageants and watching just to see how the other girls do and what works and doesn't work. Its also nice to get some tips by watching them. So recent pageants I have attended include the Miss Delaware USA and the Miss teen Delaware USA pageants and well as the Miss Atlantic Coast America and the Miss Atlantic Coast Outstanding Teen. Both of these pageants were very enjoyable. But I did enjoy the Miss Atlantic coast pageants better due to the fact that I feel like I helped out and although tiring it was more fulfilling. Congratulations to Shana Williams and Maurene Bullock for co directing a successful pageant. Shana choreographed an amazing opening number and worked so hard for the girls, I am a proud friend. And I am glad that I could have been a small part of it. Another amazing opportunity that my director gave me was the chance to meet Senator Carper. I am so blessed to have such a great director who gives me such great opportunities and really care about me as a person. I know this post is actually shorter than most posts I do but I don't have too much more to report. Thanks to all my pageant sister that have been so encouraging to me lately. I love you all. I can't wait until this weekend, I will be giving then opportunity to do an Armed Forces Event in DC. I will tell you all about it in my next post. Until then I hope everyone really is enjoying the christmas season and time with family!

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

What a weekend! I am really glad that I had a short work week because I wouldn't have been able to get out of my bed today if not. I also really enjoyed the fact that this weekend was a nice relaxing weekend after the crazy Thanksgiving time. I hope all of you have an amazing Thanksgiving day. Whether you spent it with friends or family or both I hope you all enjoyed the day and really got a chance to reflect on the things you have to be thankful for. I know I have so much to thank God for. I have a loving husband, 2 beautiful and healthy boys, a roof over my head, clothes in my closet (enough to clothe a few 3rd world countries for a few years), fantastic friends and an amazing family. Yeah there are somethings I wish were a little different, but there are so many people that would kill to be in my shoes. Literally, they would kill me for my shoes because they are fabulous! Anyway I hope all of you will carry that thankful spirit into the Christmas season as it is fast approaching. I do have to be honest with you all though, this year I am having a little bit of a problem getting into the spirit. Now I am not being a scrooge or anything but if you know me then you know by November 1 I am already putting my decorations up and starting my christmas shopping also singing christmas carols and everything. I regrettably say that I just put up my Christmas tree yesterday and still have alot of decorating to do. So hopefully I will perk up a little bit once I finish decorating and start tuning into my favorite Christmas radio stations. Maybe once I start wrapping presents and start to stack them under the tree and imagine my kids faces light up as they open them. Maybe after I hear "White Christmas" a few times or "Baby, Its Cold Outside" (just to mention a few of my favorites) then i will be more in the Christmas spirit. Once I go ice skating and take the boys in a ride around the neighborhoods to see the Christmas lights I will be more excited. Actually I am already feeling little better just talking about it. Christmas here we come! And and last but certainly not least, I know without a doubt that once I hit the King of Prussia mall and have my hands full of bags with Christmas gifts (even though half of those gifts might be for myself) I will be in full Christmas spirit. So now the question is, Shana when are we going to KOP? Anyways, I told all of you in my last blog that I would fill you in on the exceptional opportunity that I got last Monday. First of all a big thank you goes out to Marci McNair, Ellen England and Angie Hionis-Bell for all their hard work and doing just a fantastic time at the event. Thank you Marci for the amazing opportunity!! So anyway the event that all of us ladies did was a Bullying presentation at a local area school, with alot of focus on cyber bullying. For those of you who don't know, the fight to stop bullying (not necessarily in those terms) is my platform. So this was an amazing opportunity for me to do the appropriate research and to also get my thoughts and self together about this. I really enjoyed helping put together the presentation and short skit that we did. I am so passionate about this and I hope that showed in the presentation. It was really tough because some of the girls asked hard questions that didn't have a firm "yes" or "no" answer. But i enjoyed every min of it and will hopefully get more opportunities to do the same. I plan on creating a campaign against bullying so I can go around to different schools and speak to them. I haven't decided what I will call this campaign. "Beauties against Bullying" is one idea but I am not 100% sold on it. We will see. But for now I am going to be calling schools to see if we can get in and speak to these kids. Changing the world one life at a time. So until next post, enjoy the season!!

You are Beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down!

Thanksgiving is coming up on us so quickly, and then after Thanksgiving there is Christmas, and after Christmas, New Years! OMG I need to go shopping for holiday outfits! I definitely decided this year the hubby and I are going to actually going to go somewhere to count down the new year. Of course New York City would be ideal but maybe that will have to wait for next year. Anyways I am getting so far ahead of myself, I am not even ready for Thanksgiving yet, I don't even have my Christmas decorations up and here I am talking about New Years! Well, lets skip all the talk about the Holiday and focus on a few things that I was honored to do this past weekend. I have really enjoyed alternating pageant weekends. If you don't know what that mean by that, I mean that it is nice to have a weekend where I do pageant stuff and then a weekend that I am off. Sometimes being a beauty queen can be exhausting, and heaven forbid I don't get enough beauty sleep because that is most definitely something that I wouldn't want to subject anyone to seeing lol! Anyway, this past Saturday the 20th I was able to meet up with some fabulous ladies in the morning and participate in the Middletown Christmas parade. My sister queen Fawn Stoms (Mrs. Peach Blossom 2011) and I rode together which is always a little more fun then riding alone. Also my director Siouxzan moore (Beauties of America 30's), another sister queen Angie Bell (Mrs. Punkin' Chunkin' 2011) and the always fabulous Ellen England (Mrs. Delaware 2010) were all also participants in the parade. I enjoy doing parades although it always seems with my luck they are always windy lol. I have another parade coming up on December 4th which is the Dover home for the Holidays parade. I will get the honor of riding with a new sister to the United States system Fran Edwards (Mrs. First State 2011)!!! Fran and I have competed against each other before, although she placed better than me I don't hold it against her one bit :) <3 ya girl! Moving on, Saturday evening was equally as fun since I got to attend the Mrs. Delaware America pageant. My husband came with me and it was so much fun being immersed in pageantry! I had such a great time with all the ladies and their husbands that attended. I wish I had enough space to list everyone that was there but the pictures will tell you. Now I was there for more than just watching. I was there as a member of Team Hotness rooting for my friend Shana Williams. Now the president of Team Hotness, the always spectacular Allison Funds was there and it was so nice to really enjoy time with her since I haven't gotten to see her often. Love ya girl!! Not only was the pageant a success but it was alot of fun, some of us girls got to get up on stage and belly dance with some of the performers, what a blast!! And you can't forget the best news of it all, Shana Williams is the new Mrs. Delaware America 2011!!!!!!! Congrats again girl I am so proud of you. She looked amazing and did a spectacular job. Now she is going to get ready for nationals which will be in April. I will definitely be attending because it is going to take place in West Virginia which truly isn't that far away and well worth the trip. If anyone can break Delaware's loosing streak it is Shana. I know this is the first year that Delaware will be in the top ten, heck this is the first year that Delaware will be in the top 5! After Shanas win some of her fans went to Agave to celebrate. It was such a great time and atmosphere and just to be with amazing people and spend time with the now famous Mrs. Delaware America was such a treat. I have only known Shana for about a year but that is all I have needed to really learn to cherish her as a friend and embrace her for the amazing and beautiful woman she is. She has taught me so much and has made a huge difference in my life. If anyone deserves to represent the married women of Delaware at the Mrs. America pageant it is her. Anyway, I hope everyone has a fabulous Thanksgiving. Take a moment and really appreciate everything in your life. Even the little things. I will probably do another post involving a new campaign that I am in the process of putting together called "Beauties Against Bullying". Stay tuned I am so excited about this! And this is an opportunity to feel like I am personally making a difference in other peoples lives. Also, I am trying to get into local area schools and if anyone has any contacts in any of the schools please let me know! Thanks guys and again have a great Thanksgiving!

There isn't enough darkness in the world to put out the light of a single candle.

I hope everyone has had a great week! Now I can say that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Now you can't always see that little flicker of light but I promise you it is there. Its so hard to sometimes remain positive and happy when life throws tough situations at you. I know I have been less than easy to deal with the past couple weeks. But I keep trying and keep pushing on and I am starting to see the light that I so desperately need. Anyway, so I guess I will let you know what I have been up to lately. Well truthfully I haven't been up to much of anything. Just work, family and friends. I recently got my official headshots as Mrs. Patriotic done. They all turned out so fabulous and I can't thank Jon Lavelle enough. he did such a great job and his wife was equally as spectacular helping me with fun and new poses. I have posted a few on my facebook if you haven't already seen them. I think they turned out really well and they were exactly what I wanted. This past Friday I actually got to hang out with them. They came over to the house and played the Kinect with us. It was alot of fun with tons of laughs. And on Saturday my beautiful pageant sister Shana and her husband Geoffrey came over and hung out with us, we also played the Kinect too and Shana totally kicked butt at the dancing game!! It was so fun to really just spend time with friends in a relaxed atmosphere where we could all joke and just do whatever we felt like doing. On Sunday my mother came up and we got to meet up with Shana again and do some shopping. It was a really exciting day and just nice to forget about the things that are worrying me the most lately. At the same time we got to go see Ellen England in an appearance she was doing for JDRF at the Build A bear. She looked fabulous as always and it was such a fun even for the kids. I am very excited for this coming weekend. Not only do I get to be in the Middletown Christmas parade. But I get to cheer on Shana Williams as she gets crowned Mrs Delaware America (so I am a little biased I can't help it, I know this is her year). So good luck Shana I know you are going to do us all very proud. And I know you will be able to hear me cheering for you!!! Also, I have been helping to prepare a presentation on anti-bullying. Now not all of you know but some of you do know that I have decided that anti bullying is going to be my platform (of course it will eventually sound a little more eloquent). So I got the opportunity to help out some of my pageant sisters in a presentation at a middle school on this coming Monday. Now this gave me the opportunity to really dive into research and understanding. I am super thrilled about this amazing opportunity. I am working hard to do a great job and give everyone as much information as possible. All of us girls are going to do an amazing job!! I will probably be tweaking things until we actually do the presentation. But if we can change one persons perspective or get one child to think for a second before they act, then all the hard work will totally be worth it. And after that it will give me the practice I need to continue going into other schools to raise awareness and it will help me know what to expect in the future. Ok so for now I am going to sign off and wish you all an amazing rest of the week and a fabulous weekend. GO SHANA THE SOON TO BE MRS. DELAWARE AMERICA 2011!!!!

A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked.

When I get to immerse myself in friends, family and loved ones for days in a row I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I had an amazing weekend although it was exhausting I feel like I was just lucky. Being in pageants is probably one of the most life changing decisions I have made. I might not have known it at the time but I definitely see it now. Being so involved in so many peoples lives and having so many people to care about and who care about me. I couldn't be more blessed. I had no clue when I dove into the pageant world that I would have come into contact and become close with so many amazing women. I have met so many people that want to see me excel and want to see me become the best woman, mother and wife I can be. And I feel the same way about all the ladies i have met. I want to see only the best for them all. So this weekend on Saturday I got the opportunity to help out at the Punkin' Chunkin' pageants. Now if you have never been to the Punkin' Chunkin' it is most definitely an experience. Although it is pretty cool watching these huge machines shoot pumpkins. It was a little on the crazy side. I don't think I have ever seen that many people in one small area. And if you have kids I wouldn't necessarily suggest that is the best kind of family function to go to. But I did enjoy the time that I was there. A big congratulations going out to all the winners. Particularly my newest sister contestant Angie Hionis-Bell who now holds the title of Mrs. Punkin' Chunkin' 2011! I really had a great time helping out with the pageant. Its nice to get to be around so many spectacular people. All the contestants in each division did an amazing job and meeting so many people was a real treat. On Sunday I got the great opportunity to do some mannequin modeling at Cache. It was a fun time because 5 of my other pageant sisters did this event with me. We all got our hair and makeup done which was nice to get pampered. And then we all stood in the windows and showed off clothes. It was really tough to stand perfectly still when alot of people were trying to make us laugh. But I know it brought the store some business or at least some attention. Also spending even more time with fabulous ladies and just getting to chit chat and enjoy each others company was so nice. And on top of that we all looked truly fabulous! I know that my hair and makeup looked great because when I got home my husband told me I looked like a celebrity. So I am definitely going to be calling on the girl who did my makeup for help with the pageant. A big thank you to Jenn Santos for giving us this opportunity. I know it was a little stressful for you but I have only gotten positive feedback from all the models, we really have a spectacular time. Thank you to all the people who made this weekend for me a fun and successful time. Also thank you to my amazing hubby I love you and appreciate your support with the events that I do. I hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn.

I know that I am a day late but I hope everyone had a safe and Happy Halloween. I truly love the fall season. Although it being a little on the chilly side, fall is spectacular with the rich colors, fabulous clothes and boots and its just a beautiful mediator between summer and winter. So it has actually been a few weeks since I have updated my blog, which I apologize. I was going to update it last week but I didn't downloaded the pictures that I wanted to add to my entry until yesterday. So I will have alot of information for you in this entry. Thats if I can remember everything I can to tell you, lol. So first off I am going to start out with a few non pageant related functions. A couple weeks ago I got the pleasure of getting to see my favorite cousin in the world! No offense to all my other cousins (whom I love very dearly) but Sonia does have you all beat. It has been a long time since I have gotten to see Soni and I was so happy to get to see her. She lives in Kentucky to our visits are few and far between. But we got to catch up on alot and really just enjoy each others company. I can't wait to see you again Soni!! I also got to catch up with one of my other bestest girls, Aysha! I have been friends with Aysha since high school and we have such a fabulous friendship, we don't need to talk all the time to know that we care :) Luv ya girl! Aysha took my to this fabulous restaurant called Eggspectations, if you ever get a chance you definitely need to go to this place because it was amazing! Anyways, moving along to more things, we recently got the chance to take my sons to Milburn Orchards and we had such a great time. The boys loved all the animals and pumpkins. Landon did an amazing job at leading us through the corn maze! He led us through all by himself without taking us to any dead ends or anything, he most definitely did not get his sense of direction from me. This year I finally got to go to a Halloween part. Now since I moved up to this area (4 years ago), I have been dying to get dressed up and go to a Halloween party. Well thanks to Lauren and Jon Lavelle we got to go to one this year. I dressed up as a vampire and it was really awesome. I had red contact and fangs and everything and it was cool as heck! A did get to participate in a few great events with my title. I had the great honor of appearing with Ellen England (Mrs. Delaware United States 2010) at a JDRF walk. I really enjoyed being there and speaking with all the wonderful people and posing for lots of pictures. I was also really thrilled to have my husband attend with me, and he turned out to the the best paparazzi ever! I love seeing Ellens caring heart. She is so passionate about her platform and it just reminds me that this is what its all about. Yeah the crown is nice but changing peoples lives is a sparkle that won't ever fade. Being there to support her was such an honor. Thank you for the invite Ellen! The same day I also got to participate in the Newark Halloween Parade. I could not have asked for more perfect weather for this day. I dressed up as Wonder Woman and decided that this parade I was going to walk instead of riding in a convertible. And I am really glad I chose to do that, it felt like I could be a little bit more personable with all the kids that way. Also, my husband and sons got to participate in the parade with me because my work had a float that they got to ride in. My sons are born royalty because they love being in the parades and waving to all the people. Something else that I actually finished this weekend was I made a dress to benefit an organization called Queendom T.E.A. This is such an amazing organization. Not too long ago I got the chance to meet the founder, LaQuisha Hall and speak with her a little. Queendom T.E.A. is a mentoring program for teen girls and it strives to bring out the Queen in all of them. For those of you that don't know, I hope to one day be a fashion designer, so I am constantly trying to make clothes and basically teach myself how to sew. With that comes my favorite store which is Joann fabrics. One day while shopping at Joanns I noticed a contest called Craft for A Cause, that is where I got the idea to create a dress from Queendom T.E.A. So then I set off to speak with LaQuisha and make a dress dedicated to her organization to which I submitted to this contest in hopes of winning up to $50,000 for Queendom T.E.A. Now I know that the dress isn't impeccable when it comes to construction, but truthfully this is only the 3rd dress I have ever made. And I couldn't be more proud of it. I really like the progress that I have made and I think the dress is my best work to date. Now all I have to do is win some money for this great cause and I think I will be good to go. Have a great week everyone!

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

What I would like to talk about in this post is a issue that is very near and dear to my heart. There has been alot of publicity surrounding this issue as of lately, which I am sure you are all aware of. And with so many means of contact and interaction in the world now, this problem has grown and grown. This issue that I am speaking of is the fight against bullying. When I was younger I was bullied relentlessly. And I hate talking about it. When I think about things that people have said to me at school or when I think about that time period in general, I cringe. People think I am crazy when I say that I would never want to go back to my high school years, but the truth is I wouldn't even want to go back to my middle school years either. Now people think that this is an overreaction and that my school years couldn't have been that bad. To those people I either think they weren't bullied or they don't remember how it hurts you to the core. I remember how desperately it hurts, and at that point in your life you don't really think things can get better. It doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know I felt that way quite often. Now I never felt suicidal and I felt like I endured alot, so I can't even imagine how the people feel when they want to end it due to being bullied. In my case I really try to avoid talking about those years of my life. Some people don't really believe me when I say that I was a victim of bullying, or as stated before they just really don't think I am referring to true bullying. So I want to open up a little about my struggles because I had alot. But if me sharing helps one person then its worth opening up that wound a little bit. So here goes. I have always been a slightly awkward person. If you know me especially growing up then you know that I kept to myself alot, and I was not ideal socially. Now I have no clue how my sister got the "popular girl" gene and it just skipped over me. I was a very insecure person growing up, and still am sometimes to this day. I can always try to speculate on why this is but I don't really have a good excuse for it. I grew up with a loving family and although we had our differences we all love each other. Anyway, so anytime I was with people I always tended to fade into the background, which this was fine with me. Although attending the school that I went to for most of my life, it was very hard to just fade away because it was such a small school. There were anywhere from 10-12 people in my grade. I can honestly say that I really hated this school. It seemed like almost every day was a struggle. Here I was this ugly (I most definitely was not that pretty when I was younger, I was a late bloomer in the beauty department) awkward girl and I just didn't seem to fit in. I started going to this school in the 5th grade. At this school, since classes were so small, they usually combined 2 grades into 1 class. So I was in with the 6th graders and it was pretty brutal. None of the girls liked me at all and the guys just didn't seem to notice I was even there. The hardest thing I had to deal with at this grade was that I really didn't have any friends. And this was also the time that the "I Hate Hilary Club" was created. Now I might be dating myself by saying this, but this was around the time that the Babysitters Club books were pretty big. And everyone at school wanted to have their own little "club". Well I guess that is where the idea of my hate club started. I was very devastated when I found out about this. All the girls in my class (5th and 6th grade) were a part of this club. And evidently they would just sit on the swings at recess and talk about how much they hated me. Many times they wouldn't even care if I was in earshot or not. Being a little insecure anyways, this didn't help at all. No one liked me and they pretty much made sure I knew. I was repeatedly called "ugly" and many other hurtful words. I never got into any fights because I never stood up for myself. Even into my later years I wouldn't stand up for myself. Anyway, as time went on the "club" dissolved but that didn't mean that ppl started to like me. Going into high school I was still a little distant. I didn't have a boyfriend at this school because the guys would rather date someone beautiful and I wasn't that. I was nothing like the blond barbie bombshell in my class. I totally paled in comparison, if you even dared put us on the same playing field. I always tried to be nice and as time went on people just ignored me I guess. They were nice when they wanted something but really I was irrelevant. Now that I am irrelevant isn't really the part I call bullying. Saying hateful things about me, yes I feel that is bullying. I remember one time someone saying they wish I wasn't alive. People saying things on a daily basis that was meant to hurt me was a hard pill to swallow every day. I didn't want to be there, I would cry myself to sleep almost daily. I felt hated on a regular basis, people made sure that I knew they didn't like me. I remember once when I was in high school I got 2 letters about 2 or 3 days apart (I called them my "hate notes" which I still have tucked away in an old journal) and they were targeted toward the fact that I wasn't in the same league as a particular guy in school which whom I had a crush on. It went on to say that I basically wasn't good enough and that I was annoying and not pretty etc. Another hard pill to swallow. For days I dreaded going to my locker thinking I might find another one of these notes. Bullying? By all means yes. Moving along on my high school journey, I switched schools. After much pleading and begging my parents they finally switched me to a public school which was much larger then the small private school which I had attended. At first I was the "new girl". This attention was refreshing from the previous way I had been treated. And although I had a few little issues with this school, it was no where near the bullying I had experienced previously. I was still awkward and I guess you could say I was a geek, I was in band, chorus, drama club. I still managed to find friends and I even got a boyfriend at that school. There were still people that didn't like me and thought I was ugly yada yada, but I guess due to the size it wasn't as "in my face". I was still bullied but it was a different type of bullying, these people wanted to make me scared of them and I was. I had a big problem (and still do to this day) with an ex boyfriend and his girlfriend (now wife). They would threaten me, slash my tires, keyed my car etc. a very scary kind of bullying. I still struggle with this couple even now, but I am so much more confident in myself that they no longer present a problem to me. So was I bullied in school? Very much so. And alot of people will probably beg to differ but I remember how I felt and I remember how miserable I felt and how unimportant. So why am I sharing all this? Because I want people to know that it gets better. I want people to know that although it might not seem like it, there is life past high school. There is so much that is worth living for. And there are also people that are worth living for. It hurts my heart to hear of bullying, it hurts even worse that people feel like there is nothing to live for and that others make them feel this way. I am proof that things get better. I am still a little awkward when it come sto social situation but I am improving drastically. I don't consider myself the most beautiful person in the world, but I love running into people that used to call me ugly because I know now that I am not. I am married to an amazing man with 2 beautiful children. I have a great job and lots of friends that care about me and how I feel. I have more friends now then I did in my entire school life put together. I feel important and loved on a daily basis. I don't fade into the background anymore. I have confidence in myself that I have never had before. Is my life perfect? Not in the least bit. Do I love my life? By all means yes! It is very rare that I feel the way I did in high school. And when I happen to feel that way, the feeling doesn't last long. Life is so so very precious and only a small percent of it is spent in school and around people who are as cruel as they are in high school. Now you will always run into people that are like that and bullying doesn't completely stop after high school. But when you see the bigger picture you realize that those people are insignificant. There is so much life out there and so many things worth living for. Don't let those that bully you definite who you are. Rise above them, I did and I am so proud of the person that I have become. So if you are a victim of bullying please remember that you are important and amazing and that things will get better, I promise!!! And you can hold me to that!

To get to a woman's heart, a man must first use his own.

Crazy, crazy, crazy. Exciting and overwhelming I guess is the way I can describe my life as of recently. I know it has been a couple weeks since I have posted, I like to try to post once a week but there are many times I don't get to that. So some of you might be wondering what has been going on in my life, others of you might care less but thats ok :) I have been definitely keeping myself busy with work and play. Its so nice that work has been busy because of the fact that I work at a small private company when things are really slow I get nervous. But when things are going well we are all in good moods. We just implemented a new computer system at work. And if any of you all know me then you know I totally suck when it comes to electronics (namely computers). So getting used to this system has been pretty tough but I will get is down one of these days. So, I have been doing a few fun events lately that I would like to share with you. The first event doesn't really have anything to do with my title. It was just a really enjoyable event. Recently (well it was actually the end of Sep.) I went to a function with some people from my work. We advertise through a local radio station (WJBR) and this event was sponsored by the station and it was a nice dinner and cocktail party. My husband and I went and we really had a tremendous time thanks to our WJBR reps (thanks Kyle and Dan!). More recent news, last Sunday I was given the opportunity to attend an event with the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), and I had such a good time. The event was a 1 mile walk on the Monster Mile (Dover speedway) and it was great to meet and see so many people come out and support such a great cause. I was honored to do this event with Ellen England (the new Mrs. Delaware United States 2010) and Krista Brazell (Mrs. Christiana) and I think I speak for all of us when I say we had fun! We all were stationed on the track and while the walkers were coming around we kept people off of the highest part of the track. While I was there I kept thinking about all the amazing opportunities I have been given since I have received my title as Mrs Patriotic. If it weren't for me being active in pageants I wouldn't have been able to be standing in the middle of the Monster Mile cheering people on as they walk around. I really thank God for the amazing opportunities that have been dropped in my lap. So in the past 4 months I have gotten the opportunity to get dolled up and model clothes, run a race through mud and obstacles, jump out of a plane and stand in the middle of a huge race track cheering people on. And these are just a few examples of some of the opportunities I have gotten, and there are many more coming up. But for me the most important thing is knowing that I am making a difference in other peoples lives. Changing the world one person at a time, how amazing it that! So here is a big shout out to all my sister queens who have given me the opportunity to do these kind of events and also to all the future opportunities I will get, THANK YOU!! I love you guys so much and my life feels so fulfilled and my countenance lifted because of all these great things. Speaking of future events coming up, this weekend I will be participating in the Wesley College Homecoming Parade. I will be riding in the parade with Fawn Stoms (Mrs. Peach Blossom). And we always have a great time when we are together. I just have to figure out what I am going to wear. Have a great weekend guys! Oh I almost forgot my really exciting news! If you can go pick up the latest Delaware Bride magazine because I am in it! Pretty cool, right?

So powerful is the light of unity that it can illuminate the whole earth

What an amazing weekend! My week started out terribly as some of you may know. It was one of the worse weeks that I have had in a while. It just seemed like everything was falling apart and nothing was going right. Trust me when I say that by the time Friday came I was close to crawling in a hole and rotting there. Thank God for all the amazing friends I have because I was in such a terrible rut that it was so hard to get out of without the helping hands of others. I can't even begin to say how much all of you guys mean to me. There is a saying that I love and this week really exemplified that. And I know I have posted it before it just explains what happened to me. A true friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. Thanks to all of you who really helped me through this week. Now that a new week has started I have really been in a great mood. I feel like myself again and you don't even know how good that feels. Also, doing the events that I did this weekend really helped my spirit. It helped know that I was doing good for others. So next time you are having a terrible week or you really need to put some softness in your spirit, go to your local soup kitchen or something and just volunteer for an hour or so. It will help more then you can imagine. Anyways, like I said this past weekend was truly amazing and I will tell you about all of my adventures. Friday night I was given the opportunity to participate in a fashion show for the Ministry of Caring. This show was so much fun because I got to wear some great clothes and get my hair and makeup done and just get all glammed up. Not only was it fun to model but it was nice being around some wonderful pageant ladies. I got to do alot of chatting and just hanging out with them so it was a nice time. Although I was completely exhausted after because the fashion show did end up going pretty late and this momma didn't end up getting home until well past her bed time. But all in all I think the event was very successful and raised alot of funds which is really the most important thing. Thank you Siouxzan (my beautiful director) for asking me to be involved along with Marci and Fawn, it was so great doing an event with you and I am sure it will not be the last. So now that I told you of the event that I got to get all pretty and dolled up, I will tell you of the event where I got down and dirty. Its so funny of the different extremes I had this weekend lol. On Sunday I went to probably the funnest event I have ever been to, not only the funnest but the toughest most challenging event. I participated in my first 5K on Sunday, but this wasn't just any 5K it was a mud run with a military style obstacle course with, you guessed it, a whole lot of mud! My team was spectacular! I was part of team Divalicious and we rocked it! Now we ended up raising $1,659 which placed us in 2nd place for fund raising our of 654 teams. Now I can't take any props for the fund raising part. As most of you know I just did an event for the American Lung Association and I tapped all my sources completely dry. Now that didn't keep me from trying hard but since the event I just did was not too long ago it was difficult for me personally to raise funds. But the other girls did such a great job when it came to fund raising I was so proud to be in the team. But next time I will definitely be good for the fund raising. I did feel a little defeated going into the event because I know since I didn't raise alot of fund I didn't feel like I contributed alot. But my team was so great that when we did the event I didn't feel defeated at all. Now if you didn't make it out to the Mud Run you totally missed out! Not only was it a great event for the runner but all the people watching were amazing. The atmosphere was so encouraging and energetic and just lively. There was no way you could have just been sitting around. Between the music and the cheering and all the encouraging people it wasn't possible to feel anything but excited at this event. I know I was totally pumped!! When it came to the running my team really kicked up some mud! We were so amazing and I am so proud of all of us. I have been running alot lately but let me tell you, nothing could prepare you for that. It most definitely wasn't a flat surface and there were alot of obstacles along the way. But we pressed on and it was amazing. We ended up finishing in 48 mins and 35 seconds, we ranked in the top 15% in our division coming in 30th place out of 201 teams!!! Toward the end I started feeling really exhausted because there were alot of obstacles close together, but with my team and all the people cheering I knew we couldn't slow down. There were so many people that I had no clue who they were, cheering us on and yelling our team name out. What an amazing feeling it was to just see all the people and know that we were so close to the finish. But the best feeling of all was knowing that we were making a difference. Us 4 pageant girls that hate it when our hair isn't in place much less being caked with mud from head to toe, we were making a difference. You can't get better than that! And after all the mud is washed away and all of our muddy clothes have been taken out to the trash, we will still be able to hold our heads up high knowing we made a difference. And after all the remnants of the run are gone, all the bruises are gone, all the little scrapes healed and our muscles no longer sore. We will carry the memory of this event for a long long time. It was truly a remarkable experience and thank you to my team (Shana, Fran and Angie) for allowing me to be a part of it!

If you're going through hell, keep going.

What an exhausting week. I will be very happy when tomorrow comes and the weekend begins. It hasn't been a bad week but a very physically and mostly emotionally draining week. I am sure all you guys know how it is. You get into this emotional "rut", if you will, and its just difficult to get out of. I don't even really know how I got here or how I get out of this feeling. I have been running alot lately and that has helped. Kinda gets my mind off of anything and its relaxing. I have been seeing a difference in my body as of lately. Anything to kinda tone me down is always a plus. Gotta keep working on that bikini body for the pageant. I actually wish I had more time to run. It has kinda become my new therapy. Now don't mistake the fact, I am still a terrible runner. But I guess over time I will get better. I have a 5k run that I will be doing on Sunday this is to raise money for Leukemia research. At first I wasn't too thrilled (because I really don't like getting that muddy) but I am more and more excited about it. I am still not happy with the fact that it will be through the mud but it is for such a good cause. If doing good for others doesn't pull me out of this mood then nothing will. I was thinking about working on my distances. Slowly running further and further until I can run longer distances. Anyway, for now I am going to stick with the 5k. Tomorrow should also be a good time, I am going to be in a fashion show and I always enjoy them. Getting dressed up and having someone do my hair and makeup for me is always a plus. It makes me feel pampered. This is also a very special kind of fashion show, its a benefit for The Ministry of Caring Homeless Shelters. I think the best part of winning the pageant I did is the amazing opportunities I get to make a difference with all of the fund raising and different events for worthy causes. Also, Saturday is the Miss New Castle and Miss Diamond State pageants. I plan on attending, this will be some really good "me" time to hang out with some great people. So yeah I have a pretty packed weekend. But like I said before, its so important to help others, and especially when I am kinda feeling this way. When I help others it really lifts my spirits and I am in desperate need of that right now. I guess it is just "one of those weeks" for me. I am sure it will all be fine next week. I am sure all I need is some great family and friend time, some good work to do for others and maybe a few more miles to run. Have a great weekend everyone, and I am sure I will see alot of you this weekend at some point.

You should always be treated like the Queen you are, wether you have a physical crown or not

One of my friends said this to me this weekend and I wanted to pass it along to all my readers. Although they didn't use those exact words, I changed it around a little to suit my blog. But I really want to encourage everyone to respect yourselves because if you respect yourself then you'll almost automatically get a response from the people around you. This is something that I am challenged with often. Now please don't mix up respecting yourself and being cocky. I guess another work for respecting yourself could be a very common word we use in the pageant industry and that is "confidence". Whichever way you slice it this meant alot to me. Every single one of us ladies are beautiful and we are queens that need to be cherished. I'm not saying that I want to start seeing you guys being carried around on thrones by 4 hunky guys (although it is a great mental image) but what I would like to see is women walking with their heads a little higher. Like I said before this is definitely something that I have always struggled with and I still do. I have gotten much better with this and have seen much improvement in myself but sometimes its extremely hard. Many of you who read this are married and have children, and if your like me you have a full time job. At the end of the day you are physically and emotionally drained (at least I know I am). When it comes down to it the title "servant" feels a little more appropriate of a title then "queen". And I of all people know that sometimes I am always the last person that I think about. I am on the bottom of my priorities list. And truthfully if I am on the bottom of my own priorities list how can I expect to be on the top of anyone elses list? The answer is I can't. So I am going to start trying to make a little bit more time just for me and me only, whether that is sewing, reading a book, or running it doesn't really matter. Not only doing that but I also need to start looking at myself and seeing myself as a "queen". Its not easy some days, days that I have been cleaning all day and chasing kids around and basically times I really feel that I look like crap, its hard those times. Anyways, I guess what I am trying to say is that you don't need to be a size freakin' zero or have a model body or have perfect hair or skin to be a "queen". And thank goodness for that because I am definitely not a zero ( can't even get my big toe into a size zero), my hair is always crazy, my face still breaks out like I am a teenager and my figure is not a models figure. But here I am holding my head up high and wearing an invisible crown. And people will respond to that. So my challenge for you is that when you look in the mirror this week, picture that regal crown sitting on your head, flash that beautiful smile that I know you have and then go on your day! And don't let anyone treat you any less than the queen you are. Take care my gorgeous queens and have an amazing week, I know that I will!

Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around.

What a very interesting couple of weeks. I don't know about everyone else but the recent cool down in the weather is truly spectacular. I love the fall! And one of the biggest reason I enjoy the fall is the clothes. Something about the richness of the season and the colors along with the layering and boots! I just can't help but get excited about it. I have to admit that my fall wardrobe is so much better than my summer wardrobe that I can't wait to dig into it. And with the weather cooling off I know that before long I will be into my beloved fall clothes. The weather has also been very beneficial to that fact that I am getting ready for a 5k run and running when the weather is a little bit cooler is much easier for me then if it is stifling outside. I never considered myself a runner. But recently I have enjoyed running. Although I do not have the speed, I have the endurance. I have been able to run 3 miles without stopping. Which to me, as long as I have the endurance to do it the speed will come in time. I am hoping to be able to get a run in today before the sun sets. So what have I actually been doing lately besides go on and on a bout the weather? Well, yesterday I was honored to take part in a meals on wheels event called Denim and Diamonds. One of my friends Lindy Scott asked me if I would like to volunteer and all she had to do was mention diamonds and I was there in a heart beat :) The event was a great event and an amazing turnout. I got to greet people as they walked in the door and it was just a great time. I also go to catch up with some of my pageant beauties like Carrie (Mrs. Delaware), Lindy (Mrs. Central Delaware) and Kayla (Miss Delaware). I also got to meet many new people and just have an amazing time. The food was phenomenal the music was great, the dessert yummmmm! I was so thrilled to be a part of this event. I really love doing events, but the ones that I especially like are the ones that benefit a cause. Of course it is fun to ride in a car in a parade but when I know that I am contributing event a little bit to a worthy cause, it just makes it that much more meaningful. Anyway, I had a truly wonderful time at the event. It was also fun making my jeans for the event. I decided to go and buy a cheap pair of jeans at rugged warehouse and add some stones to them. I was really surprised at the amount of compliments I got on that which makes me feel good. For more recent events, I am in the process of making a dress that will be donated to an organization called Queendom. Queendom is a mentoring program for young women to boost their confidence and bring out the true royalty that resides in all ladies. I am going to be entering this dress into a competition through Joanne Fabrics to hopefully win some money for this organization because they truly deserve it. If I can use my talent to help others then I am all for it! Anyways, I hope everyone has an amazing day and week. I love you all and thank you very much for reading my post!

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

Hey everyone, so it has been almost a month since I have updated this. I am so sorry it has been so long. It has been a roller coaster ride in my life this past month. Emotionally, wow its been crazy. But now that things have calmed down a bit I can let you all know what I have been up to. First I need to say congratulations to my newest pageant sister Fawn Stoms Mrs. Peach Blossom 2011. We will be competing together for the Mrs. Delaware crown next year. All of the girls who competed in the Mrs. Peach Blossom pageant did such an amazing job and all looked fantastic!! Also congrats to my girl Jenna Derrick for winning 3rd runner up, I am so proud of you I am like a proud pageant mommy, she did so great! So if you didn't quite catch it I recently attended the Peach Blossom pageant. Last Friday night I met up with alot of other pageant beauties to help out with the pageant. It turned out to be a very large event (much larger then the Patriotic Pageant). But it was very successful and ran pretty smoothly. I was involved by helping out keep the contestants in order, I also got to crown my sister Mrs queen. I gave a short little "speech" which was very unexpected (I sometimes ramble on a little bit when I am nervous and this day was no exception) but it was fine and I enjoyed being there and helping out. Also I want to say a quick congrats to my director Siouxzan Moore for winning the recent national title of Beauties of America 30's, you totally deserved it. Continuing on, after the pageant I got to meet up with my girl Shana and one of her friends (who was a judge) LaQuisha Hall and we had a great time at dinner just chit chatting and having fun. LaQuisha also helped me alot when it came to thinking about what platform I will be choosing. She asked me one question which really made me think in a different way then I was. Thanks alot for that girl your the best! The day after the Peach Blossom Pageant (well the morning after) I was able to participate in the Peach Blossom Parade. I really enjoy riding in parades its always alot of fun smiling and waving (but I can say that after a while my cheeks hurt from smiling so much lol). It always nice to be able to see all my sister queens and riding in the parade with them in a treat. All of the Peach Blossom Queens were in the parade, as well as myself, Carrie Richey (Mrs. Delaware) and April Reynolds (Mrs. Middletown). I was able to finally wear my peach dress (which I am in love with). And we were grateful to Willis car sale in Middletown for letting me borrow a sweet looking 2010 black mustang convertible for the parade. After the parade we headed down to lower DE for a wedding of a long time friend of Kevins. Congrats Laura!! Unfortunately due to the length of the parade and some traffic we ran into, we were not able to make the ceremony. But we were able to make it to the reception which was beautiful and fun. It was so nice to catch up with old friends and to just enjoy time with my husband (the boys were with their great grandparents). After the receptions we went and got the boys and went home. The next day (bright and early) I headed back down to lower DE with the boys to go to my new nephews dedication at church. It was so nice to spend time with my family and I always just enjoy relaxing and being around them. Also which I was down in that area I had an event called "Fight For Air At All Extremes" with the American Lung Association. This is a skydive for charity event. Unfortunately due to the weather and the overcast clouds and chance of rain we were not able to skydive. But I did get a voucher to go skydiving at a later date which I will keep you informed of when I go and actually jump 14,000 ft out of a plane. I am so excited, I can't wait to do it!! Well it was such a busy weekend I was actually glad when Monday can around. Well this weekend is not as hectic (thank the Lord) but it will still be fun. I am going out to watch a movie with my girl Shana tonight. And I have actually thought about making a craft for a contest called Craft for a Cause with Jo-Ann fabrics. Hopefully I will be able to win $50,000 for the charity of my choice. Anyways I think I have gone on long enough. Luv ya guys and have a safe and fun weekend.